If i don’t stop. I’m going to loose it. I think i am driving myself to insanity. I wanna do so much yet it seems impossible. I wanna show everything i am to everyone i know. To show them all i can be as great as they are. To show, they aren’t better then me. How could one person change the world. I wanna make a impact.
I wanna be remembered. Travel the world. Show my daughter a life most people never dream of. How do i go from nothing and poor to someone and wealthy! I haven’t started college yet. But i’m going to soon. I quit school, wasn’t for me. People weren’t really nice to me. All the popular and remembered people never spoke to me.
I took a trip a week or so before my first day of my freshman year. I wish sometimes i could take that week back. Other times i think it was a pretty good listen learned. I let someone talk me into something i knew wasn’t something i really needed to get into. I don’t know yet rather to thank her, or slap her.
I met some really cool people, people ill always remember. Made some pretty awful mistakes. Made some enemies. The whole time my head was being filled with nonsense, it doesn’t take alcohol, guys and music to make the world go around. In fact, i’m positive mine stopped spinning for a long time.
I let someone down. Someone who has always been there for me. My father. All through my years of growing up, he always told me to make smart choices. Told me things i didn’t want to hear. Thought he was just lecturing me. So i pretended as though i was listening, and when he was done walked away and didn’t think twice about a thing he told me.
He never wanted nothing more for me then to just be more and better then he ever was. He wanted me to do to great by my life. Not to waste it. He always talks about his life, and everything he wanted and wanted to do with it. I feel guilty. Maybe if he didn’t start having kids as soon as he did he would have had a better life.
My mother left when i was really young somewhere around eight i believe. It wasn’t bad being she left me, what was wrong was she left her family, her life everything shed ever known. She left it, and i don’t think she ever looked back. She caused so much pain, and heartache on the ones i loved most. My dad took care of me and brother the best he could. But after a while it became hard for him to work and also take care of us at the same time. We weren’t old enough yet to stay home alone. My brother was only like three or four at the time.
Me and my mom never had a really close relationship. We always fought like we wished the other one would just evaporate. She wasn’t never really a good mom, or so i thought back then. She screamed and yelled a lot. She always seemed unhappy. My dad, well i can’t say i remember much. I don’t think me and him were really close back then. Sitting here i can hardly think of anything.
It was only after my mother left me and him became close. We hard to work together. But soon enough it wasn’t enough. We lost our home. We had to pack up what little we could and move into a shed my dads friend knew. We stayed with a lady my dad knew for a while. I didn’t like her. I liked nothing about her. She had a daughter a few years younger then me. She was always mean to my little brother so i would hurt her all the time.
A few months later, my dad decided to move to Alabama, we were going to stay with my grandpa, uncle and brother for a while. So we packed what we could into my dads brown dodge ram, and left. When we got there at first it was okay. I sept on some cushion on the floor that came off some couch. My dad and brother slept in my brothers fold out bed, because he was never there.
Soon my uncle starting acting strange. In the middle of the night he would walk through the room we were sleeping in naked. He would stop. and look at me for a few secs and head back into his room. For a while i was afraid to tell my dad i thought he would think i was just trying to make up stories. One day he told me we needed to find somewhere else to sleep because he saw what my uncle was doing.
So we took all the stuff from my dads truck and loaded it into a old van my grandpa had parked out beside his house. We made a pallet in the back of the truck. Me and brother slept there while my dad sat outside the truck pretty much all night making sure my uncle didn’t come out.
My uncle stopped eating. He would always walk around with knifes and act like a crazy person. My dad told me and my brother to stay away from him. My father tried talking to my grandpa but he wouldn’t listen. After a while my grandpa told my dad we had to find somewhere else to stay. We left, drove down to the river. And ran out of gas. We stayed there for about three weeks.
Homeless with no food, not being able to shower. Not having a bed to sleep in. But it was still some of the best days of my childhood. It tought me to respect things more. I think it made me a better adult. Soon enough we made it back to my grandpas. We tried staying there again for a while. We spent our days at the river swimming. It was awesome.
Even though my mom left, we lost our home and had nothing. I have to thank her. She opened my eyes to something very important to me. And that was my father. I have more respect and love for him, because he wasn’t the one who left us with nothing.
Soon enough my dad got his tax return. We had been waiting for it to come in for almost nine months. I don’t think i have ever seen my dad more happier. First thing we did was go out to eat, it felt awesome to have a real meal.
Then we drove around trying to find a place we might like to rent. We found this old tailor. It wasn’t big and fancy but it was a roof over our heads and a warm place to sleep. My brother came and lived with us there. He took care of us for a long time. My dad couldn’t find work. I started school at W.S Neal. It was a private school. I loved this school. For once i felt like i was somewhere i belonged.
I was popular here, i made really good grades. Things were amazing. They put me in fourth grade, i had to show i was ready to move into the fifth because i missed what would have been my fourth grade year. I made it. In no time. I got to the fifth grade, it was in another building across the street, felt kinda like my first day at high school. Only this way ten times better. We had to wear uniforms here. My dad didn’t have the money to buy the exact things i needed,we weren’t supposed to wear sneakers. But it was all i had. but even then, even when i wasn’t the best dressed, i was popular. The most popular boy liked me! I couldn’t believe it! Even though to this day i can’t remember his name it was still something new and different. It was never like that before.
My names Leena Foster. I was born on a Monday, a day most people find to be the worst day out of the seven. The day most people don’t look forward too. . I’m sure my mom thought the same a Midnight when her water broke and it was time for me to come. I’m the oldest of four. The one that wasn’t planned the “mistake”.
My mother met my father when she was 15. Her parents wanted nothing more then for her to stay away from him. Begged and pleaded. But she was in love. Nothing could keep her away. Until the week after my mother found out she was pregnant. She asked him to met her at their secret place. Their place they went to, to block away the world to keep everyone who disagreed with them being together away. A place where they made love. And sung sweet nothings into each others ear. He met her there at 5:00 pm on a beautiful Friday afternoon. He could see the glow on her face but also the rejection in her eyes.
she told him the news. His big brown eyes glazed over, he reached his arms out and took her close to him. He promised her forever! He told her he would never let her be alone. That he would always be there. No matter what happened. and for that she hated him! Every time she sits down and tells me the story she seems lost and drained. Gill Foster was and always will be the only love of her life. Even through the years and 3 kids later, she still has the glow the glow my father called hers and hers only.
Two years later my mom met a guy named Turner, he was five years older then her. They got married, on a beautiful Friday after noon at 5:00 pm. Soon after the honey moon my mom found out she was pregnant with my sister. They named her Summer. Then along came my brother lance then the youngest Carla. Iv always been pushed to the side since my met Turner. It likes she got her happily ever after. I think i remind her of what life she could of had, the life she wanted.
Tomorrow is my birthday. The 22Nd of august, is the day i was born. I will be turning 15, seems to me i should be turning about 30. I haven’t really had the childhood most girls do. Never got to wear pretty dresses. Never had mommy brushing my hair. I think i would i would have liked those things. I sit on the couch with my short wet hair brushed back with a little purple clip while i watch Caren brush my youngest sister carlas hair. Every morning she wakes her up, puts her into a beautiful lacy dress. Puts a silk ribbon around her her head to hold back her hair. Carla is almost 6. She has my mother beauty. I wish i could have inherited my moms perfection.
Everyone morning i hold the hands of my brother and sisters, as we walk down the dirt path to get onto the bus for school. They look as though someone truly cares for them. Looks someone put some thought into what they look like every single day of their life. I hardly put any. Most the time its jeans sneakers and a decorated t shirt of some kind. The bus pulls up. and as always the front is filled with the upper class kids. As always i make my way to the back of the bus.
“Good morning” i hear from the set beside me. It was my best friend Landon. We met in first grade. He reminded me a lot of myself. Same as me landons father passed away before he was born. I can confide in him no matter how crazy the subject may seem. I’m in love with him. But so does every other girl in junior high school. But with me its real. Id be completely alone if it wasn’t for him. He doesn’t talk much. I think it may because his home life isn’t the good. His mom is a drunk. Landon use to come to our house and eat super with us every night. But here lately he stopped coming. I haven’t him why, if he wants to talk, which is something he hardly does, then im here to listen.
I haven’t decided if i like going to school or not. Sometimes id rather be here then at home with my family. Im in the 8th grade. My teach reminds me alot of my mother. Mrs.Adams. I dont really have to put very much effort into much at school. I guess i should though. I dont feel awarded in the end. No one really pays attention to me anyways.
At school, my favorite subject is reading. But that is only because it gives me an escape from reality. I like to pretend i am the character, pretend im living their life. Most the time wishing mine could be the same but at the same time feeling guilty for wishing my family to like some made up fantasy in a book.
On the bus ride home i set as close to the inside window as possible. I lay my head on the medal window frame and push myself to sleep as fast as possible. I dont like the bus. The laughter and screaming from all the other children give me a headache. They seem so free. Why do i feel so different? what makes me the odd one out of a billion people. I wish i could be normal. Think like a normal 15 year old girl. You know the ones that think fashion and boys is what this world revolves around. But no not me.
I think it has something to do with being born a Monday. If someone told you Monday was there favorite day of the week wouldn’t you think in your mind “ whoa a weirdo” . I wish i had one topic to stay on. Something i could write a novel about and keep your full attention the whole time. But with my life i think thats impossible.
I have strange
“Lifes only going to be as easy as you make it!”